Raindrops — Part Two

True friends visit us in prosperity only when invited, but in adversity they come without invitation.
— Theophrastus

I tried to feel for a pulse, but I couldn't find anything. She wasn't breathing. I vaguely remember dialling for an ambulance and trying to resuscitate her, then the paramedics telling me she was gone, there was nothing anyone could have done, it was probably instantaneous, she wouldn't have suffered. Then they took her away.

I called Dad, but he was in Leicester with my aunt, he wouldn't arrive until morning. I looked around the empty room in shock. She was gone. I couldn't believe it, she was gone. Just that morning she'd been lecturing me, and now...

I slowly sat down, trying to understand. I needed someone with me. I tried to call Saffron but she wouldn't answer. I tried her mobile, once, twice, three times, but all I got was her voicemail. Where was she? I tried Jack Faerie, but he wasn't picking up either. I remembered; it was Saturday night. Everyone was out partying.

I started trembling. I need someone, I need someone.

I remembered Ash. He didn't seem the party type. I had his number, somewhere. I found it, crumpled under the sofa, and called it. Even if he spent all evening chatting about his farm it would be better than being alone.

"My mum's gone," I heaved when he arrived.

"Oh, Jasmine, I'm so sorry."

"Everyone I love is being taken from me. I'm losing everyone."

He was so good, he just held me tight and let me cry on his shoulder till I was all cried out.

"Ash, I can't take this," I wept. "Please don't leave me by myself."

"I'll stay with you," he offered. "I'll stay with you until your da comes back. You won't be alone, I promise."

I slept fitfully. I kept waking up and seeing that image in my mind over and over of Mum falling down. I spent most of the night alternately whimpering and wailing, and poor Ash must have had no sleep at all, but he didn't get mad at me even once. He'd just get up and give me a tissue and rub my back awkwardly until I fell asleep again.

Dad arrived the next morning, and Ash went back home. But he would still phone or pop in once or twice a week to check on me and I had to concede that he was actually all right. His humour was kinda dorky, but in an endearing way. His silliness made me smile and he was good at distracting me with his anecdotes of his antics back on the family farms.

He'd lost his father a few years ago so he knew how I felt. I liked how uncomplicated and direct he was. And he was really sweet and kind. David wouldn't have been so patient with me, I realised. He'd have told me to pull myself together and get over it, but Ash was nice. Ash was safe.

Nights were hard. Being alone with my thoughts in the quiet would bring up bad memories, but there was a reason I didn't want anyone visiting at night. I would hear noises sometimes after dark. I thought I was going mad — it sounded like Mum's voice. I don't know, it was comforting in some way, like she was watching over me and taking care of me. But even so, it was better if no one saw me wandering around talking to a voice in my head.

Dad went up to Leicester after Mum's funeral to stay with his sister's family for a few weeks. They asked me to come too, but I declined. Indian aunts can be very overwhelming and I didn't want them all pitying me and making a fuss.

Ash visited me a lot while Dad was away. I didn't mind. It was nice to have him there.

"Does it always rain in this stupid town?" I moaned one day.

"Haha, you'd want to see Ireland. To an Irishman, this would count as a drought."

"Oh," I said. "Oh dear. Is that why you left?"

He gave a little mirthless laugh. "Ah, no. We left after my wife walked out on us. Melissa got bullied at school because of it. After about a year, we sold most of the farm and moved here. We thought it best to make a clean break."

Hang on, something wasn't right there.

"Walked out... but I thought she died?"

"No. Who told you that?"

"Uhh... Saffron mentioned it." I said. No need to admit I'd been digging for info. "She said your daughter told her that."

"No, she isn't dead. Melissa sometimes tells people that. It's easier for her than the truth, I suppose." He sighed. "Melissa's ma and I, we were high school sweethearts. We married young. I was seventeen, she was eighteen. She was the girl of my dreams. But towards the end of the marriage she was fed up of life as a 'country bumpkin' — her words. When Lissa was thirteen, she ran off with some poncy actor."

"It was probably my husband," I said bitterly.

"He didn't live in Ireland, sure he didn't?" He sighed. "You know, I can understand how she could leave me, but I could never ever understand how she could leave our Lissa. It's been six years now and she hasn't even once contacted us to find out how her child is. Not a letter, not a phone call, not even an e-mail. Even a postcard to Melissa saying 'Hi' would be grand." He looked peeved. "And I loved her, so I did." He sounded like he was going to cry.

"If she came back for you now," I couldn't help asking. "If she asked you to take her back, would you?"

"No," he said immediately. "I'd like it if she and Lissa could make things up, because she's her ma after all, but I could never get back with her, not even if Lissa begged me. How about you? Would you take back David if he came back for you now?"

That threw me. Things had been great between me and David until the last few months. I'd been so happy, and he was drop dead gorgeous and I'd never wanted for anything while I was married to him, but—

"No." Because at that moment I'd realised something. I didn't want David anymore. There was nothing he could say that would make me take him back. Nothing. "No, I'd never have anything to do with him, not anymore."

Was it just my imagination or was Ash trying to hide a smile? But when I looked at him properly he was looking at my wedding ring that I was still wearing, with a puzzled look on his face. I sat up.

"You know what, Ashley? First thing tomorrow morning I'm selling this and buying myself a piano."

"Good girl, yourself," he grinned.

The days passed on and I continued in my own little twilight zone: staying at home, living off take-aways (delivered to my door of course) and watching telly all day. The only difference was that I would at least talk to people — well, only Dad, Saffron and Ash. Still, not much progress had been made. And as soon as I was alone, I was back to being miserable.

And then one day I woke in the early hours and got the fright of my life.

The hushed voice in my head had transformed into a full-sized spectre.

"Jasmine! Mon dieu, ma petite! C'est bon, tu m'saoûles avec ton truc!"

Huh?

"Espèce de parasseuse! How long are you going to carry on like this? What would Liam say if he could see how you're wasting your life?!"

I must be hallucinating, I thought. Perhaps it was yet another side effect of the antidepressants.

"You used to be such a nice girl, now I'm terribly ashamed of you. I can't believe how rude you've become! Are you listening to me, Jasmine?"

"Yes," I whispered.

"You're to sort your life out, ma petite, or I'll haunt you till the day you die and then you'll have something to cry about!"

I rubbed my eyes. Surely that couldn't have just happened? I must be imagining things. Get a grip, Jasmine! But, but...

But you know what? She was right. Even if that little exchange was just a figment of my imagination.

I thought and thought about it and it was true. I'd become an obnoxious git. Did I really call Jack and his mates a bunch of idiots when they were just being friendly? And was I really so rude to Saffron when she'd just been trying to help? And the way I'd treated Ash... It's lucky people here are so difficult to offend, I thought, but still...

"Okay, Mum. I'll do it, I'll sort myself out," I said quietly.

I jumped as I heard a voice coming from the kitchen. "GOOD! I'm damned well fed up of watching you mope all day, mon Dieu! It does my head in!"

So the next morning I called up my boss and asked him if my old position was still available. I'd taken unpaid leave, but I wasn't sure if they'd wait this long for me. I heaved a sigh of relief as my boss told me that they'd only got a temp in and that I could take my old place back when I liked.

So from next week it was back to debugging programs and other such nonsense. I hated it like hell, but at least I could work from home and the pay was good. And it meant I was finally getting back in control of my life.

My piano arrived on Saturday afternoon, and to show everyone there were no hard feelings, I invited some of my new pals round to hear a recital. They didn't seem too impressed though. Hmmm... maybe some other diversion was required.

And as luck would have it, Rich Tony and Jack Faerie had bought me a games console and a couple of games (perhaps they thought there would be nothing to do at my place but watch me mope).

I'd forgotten how good it felt to have a laugh with mates.

It was great to be back.

I wasn't quite up to being a party animal, but at least I had a social life again. The six of us would have a games afternoon every Saturday. I was surprised at how into it Ash got; he was actually really competitive.

He also hadn't played a video game since his neighbour had an Atari 2600 when he was a kid, so he totally sucked.

Ash would hang around after everyone else left. He told me take-aways and ready meals were no way to live, and then he'd pop over to the corner shop to buy some veggies and make me a pie or falafels or something. I told him he really doesn't need to go to any trouble for me, I can take care of myself, but he said it wasn't any trouble at all. He loved cooking. I realised he didn't have anyone to cook for and eat with since Melissa had moved out. After the first couple of weeks, I noticed he never made anything with meat. I thought maybe it was for my benefit, that he was playing it safe, but I was surprised to discover he was a vegetarian.

"I just don't like the texture of meat or anything about it, really," he said apologetically. "Actually, there are quite a few foods I really don't like. And milk makes me come out in hives." I made sure to stock up on soya milk after that.

I started to look forward to Saturday evenings. Ash was a really good cook. We'd have the TV playing quietly in the background and Ash would talk about his job teaching BTEC Agriculture at the college or his old farm or this lab stuff he was doing with Joe Milano on his days off. And I could just listen and enjoy the food and forget everything else for a bit.

By the start of February, I'd been on the antidepressants for three months. The doctor said I'd still need at least one month more before they could think about reducing the dose and weaning me off. He said I needed to start exercising and eating well if I didn't want to risk a relapse. I was not happy, but Ash was.

"I'll teach you how to cook. How about I write some of the recipes down for you." He chuckled as he saw my grimace. "Come on, it's not that bad. I'll teach you the easy ones, don't pout like that! You know, maybe one day it'll be you treating me to dinner. I can't remember the last time anyone cooked for me. And as for exercise, we could go swimming. Lissa and I used to go on a weekend, but she's busy with her studies now, and I feel like a right eejit going by myself. Why don't we go together?"

So I went swimming on Sundays with Ash. Melissa came with us once or twice when she was free. With the games afternoons on Saturdays and the swimming on Sundays and work during the week, I think this was the most social contact Ash had ever had since he moved here. Ash turned out to be a better swimmer than I was.

"I practised in the bogs back in Sligo," he said, seriously. I wasn't sure if he was joking or not.

He'd meet me at my place before we set off for the pool. One day, he arrived holding a boxset of The IT Crowd. "Do you know this show, Jasmine? I'm sure you do. You don't? It's total gas, you'll love it. It's about computer people like you. I heard there's lots of in-jokes about programming," he said, handing the box to me to look at. Ash really seemed to want to watch it with me, so I invited him to come over on Tuesday after work to watch an episode or two together, and so Tuesdays became our comedy night. Ash was one of those people who couldn't help but give a running commentary when watching something.

"I know yer wan, she plays that whatshername in that other show, doesn't she? Hey! Did you see that? She was holding the coffee cup in her left hand, but now she's got it in her right hand."

You couldn't shut him up. Oh I tried a couple of times, but it was just who he was. If he wanted to say something, it was hard for him to keep it in.

When I found out he'd never watched Red Dwarf, I bought him the complete DVD collection and, after we got through his IT Crowd DVDs, we switched the comedy nights to watching Red Dwarf at his house instead.

"I know yer man, he was Mr Brittas, wasn't he? And I know that other one, he's on Robot Wars."

I realised that once we'd got through Red Dwarf, for the next series, I'd have to find another show with actors he recognised.

I'd hang around a bit after we watched an episode or two, lounging about on the sofa, reading or daydreaming while Ash marked homework. He always had a ready supply of snacks and books. It was a nice place to just chill out. There was still construction going on on my block, but here it was quiet. No aggro, no pressure, just the quiet rustle of papers and the clicking of Ash's pen as he worked. I noticed Ash clicked his pen an awful lot when he concentrated. The quiet, repetitive sounds were soothing. Sometimes, the sounds of him marking homework would relax me so much that they'd lull me to sleep. Ash would put a blanket over me and let me nap until dinner was ready, and after dinner he'd walk me home.

Ash's birthday was the 22nd of March. He didn't tell me until that morning — he said he was at the age where he didn't want to remember how old he was anymore. The others had cancelled the game session that day since Ash was going to spend the evening with Melissa and Tony. He asked me if I'd like to go to Canterbury for a birthday lunch with him since we both had the day off. I said, why not? We wandered around Canterbury for a while, looking at the sights. Ash asked if he could take some photos of us on his phone to remember the day. Then he teased me when he found out I was still fiercely loyal to my Nokia 3310 and I didn't need one of those new fangled camera phones, thank you very much. We wandered around a bit more, then he took me to a bougie café for lunch.

I asked Ash to let me pay for the meal, to make up for not getting him a birthday gift. He said absolutely not. I had to threaten to never eat out with him again and he finally gave in and let me pay half. Then he asked if he could take me to a fancy new chocolatier that had opened up recently.

"Is the Pope a Catholic?"

He blinked. "Yes, he is. They do dairy-free sweets there," Ash said enthusiastically. "I've wanted to try it for a while, but I didn't fancy going by myself. I'm glad you could come with me. It's just over the road down there," he said. All of a sudden, he froze, before grabbing my hand and quickly pulling me in the other direction, keeping his head down. I stumbled after him.

"Ashley! What's wrong?" I asked.

"Just keep walking, Jasmine — ah, feckit," he sighed, as I heard a high-pitched voice and wolf whistle behind us.

"Ooooooh! Mr Milton's got a giiiiiirlfriend!"

"Eyy! Check out Mr Milton with the hottie!"

"Get in, Mr Milton, you player!"

Ash turned around. "Oh, get away with yerselves, ya lil pups!" He called out to the group of teenagers. "You're all getting extra homework over the Easter break for that!" The kids laughed and ran away. He turned back to me. "It's that cheeky red-haired wan from the college, she doesn't give me a moment of peace, so she doesn't. I'll be glad when she graduates this summer. Now that they're gone, let's go look at the chocolate."

The moment we entered the shop, the scent of the chocolate was intoxicating. I was almost swooning at the sight of all those glossy, delectable chocolates. Ash laughed. "Look at the face on you! You're like a kittycat on catnip! Here, choose anything you want, it'll be my treat."

"But it's your birthday," I said, in a chocolate-induced haze. "I should be buying you something."

"That's not right," he shook his head. "In Ireland, it's custom for the birthday boy to buy gifts for his friends, did you not know that? You wouldn't want to insult my culture, would you, Catnip?" he said. I looked at him. I'd never heard that custom before. I side-eyed him. I never could tell with Ash. He delivered that line so seriously, I wasn't sure if he was winding me up or not.

The following Tuesday, Saffron and I were sitting on Ash's garden wall while we waited for him to come home from work. He'd said Saffy could join us for Red Dwarf that evening; I wanted to share the haul we'd got from the chocolatier with her. Ash had bought me a pack of almost every line in the shop and I'd insisted on leaving them at his place so I wouldn't gorge myself on the lot in one sitting. Plus I wanted to show her how good Ash was at cooking. We were chatting about nothing in particular when Melissa came up to us, wheeling her bicycle.

"Howya, girls," she smiled. "Da still not home?"

Saffron shook her head and grinned at Melissa, who grinned back. What was that about? I took the chance to ask Melissa if it was true about birthday customs in Ireland.

"Oh, he's just having you on, Jasmine," she rolled her eyes. "He thinks he's funny like that." She wheeled her bike up to Ash's porch. "Would you mind asking Da if he can sort this out for me? That eejit Paul at uni said he'd fix my brake cable, but now the wheel hardly moves. Thanks, Jasmine, you're a star." She gave me a knowing wink. Saffron nudged me. I didn't get the joke.

Ash let me watch him as he worked on Melissa's bike a couple of days later. "Look at that, he's only gone and made the cable too short. Of course the brakes are gonna rub. Give that lever a feel. D'you see how tight that cable is? It's making the brakes rub against the rim over and over." Ash quickly turned his face away and started loosening a bolt on the brakes. "Do you know much about bikes, Catnip?"

"No, I'm more of a car person," I said. "I dated a trainee mechanic when I was a teenager, before I left this backwater. He let me help him out in his dad's garage, it was a lot of fun. I was actually planning on becoming a mechanic too, but then I went to London and studied Computer Science instead," I shrugged.

"You liked it better than computers, then?" Ash asked me. I just shrugged again.

I watched Ash as he got the new cable prepped. "You gotta lube inside the outer cable a bit, Jasmine," he said, avoiding my gaze. "Make sure the oil penetrates properly." He coughed nervously, looking away. "Most people forget that. It helps prevent corrosion and makes the inner slide in smoothly," he said quickly, clearing his throat.

He installed the new cable, then smiled. "There ye go, give the lever a good, hard squeeze," he told me, biting his lip and looking to the side. "Doesn't that feel better with the extra length in it?" He stifled a snort and quickly turned away, covering his mouth as he muttered something.

I put my hands on my hips. "Ashley Milton, did you just say, 'That's what he said'?"

Ash looked mortified. I raised my eyebrows.

"I — I — I watched Wayne's World with Joe Milano last week," he stammered.

I nudged him. "Right, that's it. Next gaming session, we're going to compete on who can get the most that's-what-she-said jokes in without anyone else picking up on it." I shook my head. "You're going down, Milton."

Ash didn't miss a beat. "That's what she said."

It was a warm morning a week later when Ash arrived on my doorstep all excited and wanting to go out. We got the bus to the posh part of town, and I thought we were visiting Melissa and Tony, but we carried on past the turning to their house. Then we were at Jack Faerie's house, but Ash walked on a little further before stopping. "Tada!" he said, smiling brightly. "What do you think?"

"Great! What am I supposed to be looking at?"

"The house! Gosh, sometimes I worry about you, Catnip! This is my new house, Jasmine, it's where I live now. So now you know where to come if you want to visit me. Haha, you'd feel a right eejit if you went to my old house and I wasn't there hahahaha."

He was acting very strange. Stranger than usual, I mean.

"It's lovely!" I cried. Wait a sec. "But why did you get a new place? You were always saying your old place was far too big and lonely — and it was just a small two up two down. Why have you got yourself a new house? And a bigger one at that?"

Ash paused, looking a little confused and flustered. "Well, it's because..." he faltered as he lost his train of thought. "It's because I — I mean, this one is walking distance to Melissa's, and it has a much bigger garden," he blushed.

I didn't get why he was blushing. Now he was acting like a shy schoolgirl, looking at the ground and scuffing his soles. He couldn't even look at me. "What's the deal, Ashley?" I asked.

He took a deep breath. "Jasmine," he babbled. "I know we're not — like — I mean you know — but I — I really like you. I've never met anyone like you. Maybe I kind of..." he faltered. "Maybe I kind of even love you a little bit," he said quietly, looking at his feet.

Yowzers!

Where did that come from?!

"Crumbs," I muttered.

That wasn't enough.

"Crikey!"

He mistook the look on my face.

"Oh, Jasmine," he cringed. "I'm so sorry. God, I'm such an eejit. I can't believe how badly I misread things. Can we just pretend this never happened?"

Was I ready to give my heart away again? After all the heartbreak I'd been through, I wasn't sure I ever wanted to be in a relationship again. But Ash was different. He was so sweet and kind and such a decent bloke. And I trusted him. What the hell, life is for living.

"Ashley," I said, reaching for his hand. "I'm kind of into you a little bit, too."

And as the heavens opened and the rain began to fall, I never once considered that perhaps I'd made a very big mistake indeed.