Raindrops — Part Ten

Don't let it bring you down
It's only castles burning
Find someone who's turning
And you will come around
— Neil Young, Don't Let It Bring You Down

I stood frozen for a moment, my head spinning. This was a joke, right? The officers showed their badges.

"I'm Officer Jennings of Kent Police and this is Officer Harris. We are arresting you on suspicion of murder. You do not have to say anything, but it may harm your defence if you do not mention when questioned something which you later rely on in court. Anything you do say may be given in evidence."

The female copper asked me to put my hands out to cuff me. She looked at my arms, then glanced at her colleague.

"We're going to seize your mobile phone and outdoor shoes for forensic testing," the female cop said. "Do you have any slippers you can wear on the way to the station?"

I nodded and pointed to my room. The male officer came out holding my slippers and a hoodie. He had my phone and trainers in plastic bags. The female officer helped me step into my slippers and draped the hoodie around my shoulders. I felt like I was in a bad dream. This couldn't be real. Who was I supposed to have murdered?

Oh my God. I started to panic as they led me to the car. It must be someone I know. No, no, no. Not Ash, not Ash.

"Please, is Ash okay?" I cried out. The cop car was parked right outside the Summers' house. Steve was standing in his doorway, watching me, his face blank. "Call Ash!" I cried out.

They bundled me into the car. Not Ash, not Ash. The last time I'd told him I loved him, he lost his memory of me. Had I killed him with my words this time? What if it was my Dad? Saffron? Melissa? Tony? I started to dissociate. The female officer told me to calm down. I tried to keep it together. I just couldn't bear not knowing if someone I cared about was dead.

I was in a dreamlike state as they led me into the copshop. The custody sergeant asked me my name and address and asked if I understood that I was being arrested for the murder of Tina Neville. I was horrified and yet at the same time, relieved that it wasn't one of my loved ones.

He read me my rights again and I was processed for custody. I was barely present, but I remember them taking my prints, patting me down, checking my hoodie pockets again and telling me they'll give my phone and shoes back once they'd checked them. They asked if I needed the toilet and offered me a bottle of water and a sandwich. I felt like I didn't have a body anymore. They sent me to a cell and said they'd send in a doctor to check me. I said I wanted a solicitor. They said someone had already arranged for one for me, before leading me to a cell.

I sat quietly, finally having the chance to process what had just happened. I still felt like I wasn't real. I looked at my arms. They'd seen my scars. They were going to think I was unhinged and killed Tina in a rage. Oh, God. I felt the blood drain from my face as I remembered Officer Harris, Corin's dad. He'd seen me ranting that time Tina told me she was remarrying Ash. They had the harassment reports Saffron and I filed against her. I had motive. They thought I killed Tina.

A doctor came in about an hour later. She had my social worker with her. I wondered how much they'd found out about me already. She insisted on taking photos of my scars. I felt humiliated. I had no ability to stand up for myself. I finally broke down in tears, unable to take it anymore. "I didn't do anything," I sobbed. "It wasn't me."

The doctor didn't even respond. She finished checking over me, swabbed under my nails, asked me questions, then left.

Steve had listened and phoned Ash, who'd sent a solicitor for me. I told him I didn't do anything. I was with Ash all afternoon and evening, then I went straight home and worked until I went to bed. He told me that the only evidence they had was circumstantial. I asked what was going to happen to me. He said not to worry, he was sure they didn't have enough evidence to formally charge me with anything. Given my mental state, he advised me to respond with "No comment" unless he instructed otherwise. He said I could have my social worker present during the interview too, as I was classed as vulnerable.

Not long after, I was taken to the questioning room. My solicitor and social worker sat with me. There were two detectives opposite me. They informed me that the interview will officially start when they start the tape recording. They introduced themselves and asked me to confirm my name and address yet again. They went through my rights for the third time and checked I was orientated properly. I felt a little more real with my social worker there, but I had to really focus to stay present.

"Where were you yesterday?" The first detective asked.

My solicitor nodded, and I answered. "I was at home all morning. I'm a programmer and I work from home. I went out to the corner shop to get a fizzy drink. Then I went back home to carry on working. Later I went to my friend Ash's house until evening. Then I went straight home and worked on the software before I went to bed."

"Ash being Ashley Milton, the ex-husband of the victim, yes?"

"Yes."

"Did you go anywhere near Heronfield Park yesterday?"

"No."

"Can anyone confirm your whereabouts yesterday?"

I thought about it. "There's probably cameras in the corner shop, I don't know. Ash can tell you I was with him all afternoon. Oh, my neighbour Candy called me on my home phone around midnight last night. That shows I was home last night. You can check with the phone company."

They didn't seem to care. "The victim was captured on her neighbour's CCTV leaving her house around half past midnight. Can you prove you were home from then until your arrest?"

I shook my head.

"You were known to have animosity with the victim," the first detective said.

I looked towards my solicitor. "No comment," I said blankly.

"Tina Neville was found face down in the pond in Heronfield Park at 5am by the park keeper. There were signs of a struggle. There were two sets of shoeprints in the area of the struggle. One matched the victim's; one matched yours."

"I haven't been to the park in days," I said.

"What was the nature of your feud with the victim?" The other detective asked. I was about to answer automatically, when my solicitor touched my hand and shook his head.

"No comment," I said.

"Let it be known for the record that the detainee's solicitor advised her not to answer," the first detective said.

"You hated her enough to shout that you'd kill her, in the presence of an off-duty police officer."

"No comment."

"You've made a complaint about her harassing you. What was the nature of the harassment?"

"It's on your files. You should know," I said snarkily.

"You have a history of depression and self-harm," the first detective said.

"No comment."

"You dated the ex-husband of the victim for a few months, didn't you? What's the status of your relationship now?"

"None of your business," I said. My solicitor looked at me. "I mean, no comment."

"You're close enough that he paid for your legal representation," the detective pushed. I shrugged.

"You saw her as a rival, didn't you? Your boyfriend lost his memory and reunited with his ex. That hurt you enough to put you in hospital, didn't it?"

The lowdown dirty— "Ash and I are working things out. I'm making good progress with my therapist. Tina wasn't a threat. She left me alone after the cops spoke to her. She was out of the picture," I hissed.

"She was seen on your street yesterday, though. She was seen by a witness going into your house."

Oh my God. Corin. I'd forgotten about him. He was there. Had he seen Tina come into my house?

"I just told her I was over the fighting and it's time to move on," I said. "She was definitely alive and not floating face down in a pond when she left," I added sarcastically.

"And what time was this?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. About midday, a bit later. It was on the way back from the corner shop. I was just about to have lunch."

"What did you talk about?"

"I just told you. I told her I'm tired of her trying to pick a fight and she needs to move on. As far as I was concerned, it was over."

"She liked to pick fights with you, then?"

Dammit! They were deliberately misconstruing what I said. "I don't mean physical fights. It never got physical. She just said nasty things, that's all."

The second detective perked up. "What kinds of nasty things?"

I shot her a look. "No comment."

They sent me back to my cell. I asked the solicitor to give me some time to rest. Damn Corin, the little narc. My head was still swimming with everything that had happened that morning. Tina was dead. Someone had killed her.

Someone had killed her.

My heart froze as I thought back to my chat with Melissa the day before. When she'd said she'd kill Tina if she came anywhere near her, she sounded like she really meant it. Oh, Melissa, I thought. What have you done? She was way more fragile than she realised. But would she really go that far? I didn't think she had it in her. Did they fight and Melissa pushed Tina into the pond? Was it an accident, did the fight just go too far? Ash had also been really upset at Tina pushing me into crisis. But Ash was far too gentle. He couldn't even bear arguments. Saffron had said Tina would be sorry if she messed with me again. But Saffron was mostly all talk, she never struck anyone except in defence. Nafeesa also had a reason to want Tina gone. But would she risk leaving her kids motherless? None of it made sense.

I held my head in my hands. What was going on? At one point, my solicitor asked to talk to me again, but I didn't have the energy. I needed to talk to Emma. I didn't know how to deal with this. Tina was dead and they thought I did it.

Maybe it was my fault. The last time I told Ash I loved him, something bad had happened too.

"You're free to go," the officer said. "You can collect your things at the front desk."

I looked at my solicitor. He nodded. "Come on, let's get you out of here."

He walked me to the front desk. I looked at the clock and realised it was almost 5pm. I started to feel dreamlike again. My solicitor guided me through a bunch of paperwork at the front desk, then I got my phone and shoes back.

Ash was waiting for me outside. As soon as I saw him, I ran into his arms and burst into tears. He held me close for a moment, then quickly ushered me into Tony's car. The press were already here from London. Great, I was going to be in the tabloids again. Hadn't these losers got anything better to do?

Tony got us out of there. He had to take a detour to stop the reporters following us home. We ended up having to drive through Canterbury just to shake them off. Ash rubbed my back while I cried. Melissa was sitting quietly in the front seat.

Melissa had just lost her mum. I didn't know what to say or what to do. I was still shellshocked over what had happened. Ash had been afraid of Tina dying and now she had. No one said anything. I checked my phone. There were a ton of texts from Saffron and Jack. I quickly replied that I'd been released and was okay. Tony drove us all back to his place.

Melissa immediately went into caretaker mode. She sat me down and made me blueberry pancakes and tea. She'd just lost her mum. She should be the one being taken care of.

"Get that in you, you must be famished. I'm gonna go run you a bath while you eat." She went upstairs with Tony, leaving me and Ash to talk in private.

"It wasn't me, Ashley," I said quietly, as I tried to eat a pancake. Somehow I wasn't really hungry anymore. "I didn't do anything to her."

"We know," Ash said. "I know you wouldn't do anything like that. We told the cops as much when they questioned us this morning. You wouldn't hurt anyone, you're too kind. I was waiting for you in reception when Candy came in hysterical and confessed to everything."

"Candy?" I said, almost knocking over my teacup. "Candy Summer? From next door?"

"She was screaming and crying. She was hysterical, like I said. From what I could make out, she'd had a fight with Tina over Corin, then she ran home. She said she wasn't dead, though, she could hear Tina yelling after her. I suppose we'll have to wait for the investigation and the coroner's report. Candy was in custody when you were released. Steve came running in after her and told her to keep quiet until he got her a lawyer."

I rubbed Ash's hand. "I'm sorry, Ash. This must hurt for you, too. How are you feeling right now?"

Ash shrugged. "I don't know if it's sunk in yet. Given how bad her drinking was, I feared something would happen. But not this."

"Whenever I tell you I love you, something bad happens that same night. The first time you got run over; the next time, Tina died. Maybe I am cursed. Maybe you should stay away from me before something else happens," I sobbed.

Ash held me tight. "That's not a thing, so it isn't. You didn't cause any of this. There's no such thing as magical curses. You'd be the first to tell me if I said something like that."

I wiped my eyes. "Sorry. I keep making everything about me. Do you think you'll be all right? It can't be easy for you, even after what she did to you."

Ash nodded. "I have you all and I still see Max every week. It's Melissa I'm worried about."

I nodded. "I meant to have a talk with you about Melissa, before all this happened."

Ash paused. "When you said 'after what she did to you' what did you mean?"

"Ah... umm..."

"Melissa's been opening her mouth, hasn't she?" Ash asked, sadly.

I nodded. "I'm sorry. I know you didn't want anyone to know. She just couldn't take me being sympathetic to Tina anymore. She really needed me to know what kind of person Tina had turned into. Don't be mad at her. She meant well."

"I didn't want you to know, Jasmine. It's not..." Ash started to cry.

I held him close. Tina was going to leave behind a lot of scars.

Melissa asked me to come talk to her after dinner. "Hey, am I right in thinking you and Da have worked things out?" She asked, smiling.

I smiled back. "I think so. We're just seeing where it goes. We're both fragile right now, so we're going to take it slow. And you, how are you holding up?"

"Me?" Melissa's eyes widened. "I'm fine."

"Really? Are you sure?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" She frowned, then smiled widely again. "I'm so glad you and Da are getting back together. I feel like things are only going to get better from now on. It's about time we all caught a break."

I looked at her thoughtfully.

As Tina's only next-of-kin, Melissa was granted a copy of the coroner's report. With Candy still being a minor, the police were restricted in what they could disclose. With the official information Melissa was given, plus the town gossip and what Ash had witnessed at the police station, we were able to piece together what had happened that night.

The "real woman" Corin spoke of, was of course, Tina. After I'd hung up on Candy that night, she'd decided to go to Corin's house and confront him directly. Before she got to his house, she saw him sneaking out the back way. She followed him. He went to the park, where Tina was waiting for him. He unlocked the gates and they snuck in.

Candy followed them in, and when she saw what they were getting up to, she stormed up to them, yelling and crying. Corin bolted, and Tina taunted Candy until they ended up in a scratching fight. Candy pushed Tina over.

She freaked out and ran. Tina, punch drunk and with a broken heel, yelled at her to come back, but Candy was long gone. In her drunken state, Tina stumbled after her, falling face down into the pond.

Candy had no idea what happened after she ran away. She stayed curled up on her bed, panicking and unable to sleep. When she saw the lights on the cop car outside my house, she flashed back to seeing me taken into the ambulance. She freaked out even more. When she found out I'd been arrested for Tina's murder, she went hysterical and ran to the police station and told them everything that happened. Steve eventually caught up with her and got her to be quiet until they could get her a solicitor. Her shoeprints matched the ones found at the park, and her and Tina's DNA were found under each other's nails.

Steve had accepted Ash's offer of his solicitor to represent Candy. Candy was questioned, then released without charge. Tina's death was ruled accidental due to alcohol intoxication.

If Ash hadn't been waiting for me at the police station and witnessed Candy's outburst, we may never have learnt the full story. After she was released, Candy refused to leave the house. Steve thanked Ash for the legal help, but asked everyone to leave them alone. I popped a card into her letterbox, but she never replied.

It was hard not to take the blame for what happened. I thought I was setting boundaries by hanging up on Candy that night, but instead my actions led to Tina's death. If I'd stayed on the line, or invited Candy over to talk, I could have calmed her down. At least I would have kept her away from Tina and Corin.

"You are not responsible for how other people choose to behave," Emma told me.

I knew that, but it was still a hard pill to swallow.

"I tried to talk to her, but she's adamant she's not going," Ash said. "Maybe you can try."

I knocked on Melissa's bedroom door. "Hey, Melissa," I started. She knew immediately what was up.

"Da's already had this chat with me, Jasmine. I'm not going."

"Actually," I sat next to her. "That's not why I'm here."

Melissa's eyes lit up. "Are you and Da properly together now?"

"That's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about," I said.

Her face immediately switched to one of dread. "You're breaking up?"

I shook my head. "Your dad and I are getting on well." I paused. "Melissa?"

She looked at me.

"I'm not the answer to your prayers."

Melissa looked at me, puzzled. "What do you mean?"

"I mean your dad and I getting back together doesn't mean everything is going to be okay. It doesn't mean we all get a happy ending." Melissa went quiet. I continued, softly. "You can't fix everything by getting me and your dad back together. It doesn't undo everything that's happened. It doesn't undo the pain."

Melissa didn't respond. I stroked her hair. "Sweetheart, I see a lot of myself in you. I see a lot of the dangers, too."

Melissa stayed silent. I sat closer. "I've noticed that we tend to feed each other's codependency. You've seen where that leads to. I don't want you to follow me down that road. I don't want you to be the next one we find on a bloodsoaked floor."

"I'm not like you!" Melissa said. "I don't do stuff like that."

"You saw what happened to me when I refused to ask for help," I said softly. "You've seen how bad things can get. You remember how you felt when you got that phone call. I'm not going to let you put us in the position I put you in last year. I'm not going to let that happen.

"You took on your dad's care by yourself, and you took on my care when I needed you. You take on more than you need to, even when there's help available. You sacrifice yourself, because you think it's your job to make everything better. Because in your mind, you're the one who made it wrong to start with."

"No," Melissa said quietly. "Stop it."

"You said it yourself. You made your dad suffer for you, you took him away from the home he loves, so now you have to fix things. You have to keep him and me together to make everything right. But that's not how it works."

Melissa still didn't say anything. I continued. "Melissa? Both of the times you were scared that your dad and I were over for good, you told me about Tina's abuse."

"But you had a right to know," Melissa said.

"But it was your dad's story to tell, not yours. He had a right to keep that private. Your dad was already out of danger when you learnt about it. It wasn't your place to disclose that."

Melissa was quiet. I could see her hands start to tremble.

"It was your anxious attachment coming through. You were scared you'd lose me like you lost your mum. You weren't being deliberately manipulative, but you were manipulating me all the same."

"You don't know anything." A tear fell down Melissa's cheek. "You don't have a clue."

"Melissa, I've been to hell and back. I know. Oh, honey, I'm only saying this because I love you so much. You've been so strong. Now it's time to let the rest of us carry the load with you. You don't have to feel ashamed or weak. I'm not going to judge."

Melissa clutched her head. "I hate her!" She suddenly yelled, sobbing. "I hate her and I'm glad she's dead! I'm just sorry I'm not the one who did it!"

I rubbed her back and held her close. "It's okay, sweetheart," I whispered, as she sobbed.

"You know," I said, once she had calmed down. "It's okay to think someone is a bad person and still love them." I looked for a reaction, but Melissa didn't respond. "Your mother hurt a lot of people this last year, but the sins of the present don't take away from the love in the past. You can accept that she did horrible things to us, while still remembering the love she gave when you were little. You can hate the person she turned into, and still mourn the kind mother you once knew. Both feelings are real."

Melissa didn't say anything. I had a feeling she was shutting down. I rubbed her back again. "I'm going to give you a bit of space. Your dad and I will be around downstairs if you need us. I'll send Tony up." I gave her a gentle hug before heading back down.

Ash and Tony looked at me as I came down the stairs. I shrugged. I wasn't sure if I'd got through to her.